While Eating dinner with hubby

The topic of high end escort came up and I did some research. They get paid $2000/hour. What the heck! I asked if he’s ever known anyone that’s used one…he didn’t really say. He told me that for a bachelors party he went to in Vegas he and a group of 15 guys had strippers come to their hotel room and each guy pitched in 100. Darn stripper made 1500 then. He said he did not stay in the room where the stripped did the guys…hmmm is there a little lie there I smell? Well I did some research and found a quite educational site:

http://sex.perkel.com/escort/index.htm

Reminder of bad days

So i had to go to lunch and see people or at least just a person that made our marriage start off on a bad foot. My husband wanted me to join them for lunch even though i did not want to. I said he could go and see them and i would go get a massage for an hour or so and meey him up afterwards for us to go to our couples meeting. Well, he said he would take me to get a massage afterwards. So i went along just like I did for our crappy honeymoon (almost the same group of people on our honeymoon and the girl/ kissing cousin that made him turn a honeymoon into a group event). It makes me cry every time i think of our honeymoon. Not only was it my worst trip ever…but i had to for out a lot if money as well as my parents to pick up the pieces of the honeymoon to be salvaged into something that i could be ok to live with. I still hate it and forever will. It is a reminder of how he doesnt care or value me. So again, not only did I have to pay for my massage but had to pay for his too…ehg. He said he did not like massages before, but lied to me many times to go get massages, hand jobs and blow jobs…and not working when he is suppose to. So of course there is no money left to take care of me–the wife. It has all been spent on the other girls for them to rub him. I like back rubs and such too! So not fair.

Extended family drama

I want a simple life. One that is free of drama and issues that comes from too many people. Too many family members who does not have an idea of boundaries not to be crossed and Violated. Intrusions of personal space, our private life, and blurring personal and professional aspect of their life…also affects us. What a hassle to have so many parents/ step folks who seem to not know how to manage their adult life. It is revolting that a 60-something year old can be so petty and not know how to act like an adult. Hmmm and they wonder why they are avoided like a black plague. All talk of their saintly behavior but their actions are otherwise. Holding grudges against a 2-year old and making promises that are not upheld. Blatant lies in front of a child and cursing and yelling at employees and the mother of the child–all in front of a baby. No respect for others or for self. And one could ask why I and my husband might not want our baby to be near them? Hmm…I do not want to compromise my child’s upbringing and morals/ethics. She imitates people around her and recently started lying. Sometimes it may be a semi-difficult decision…but it is one that we parents need to make together to protect our angel and keep her that way. There are too many bad things and temptations/ corruptions in this world and i surely do not want to expose her to it at such an early age.

Even though my husband and i are having so many issues, decisions regarding our daughter are made with the goal of her best interest. Not all the people that claims to love her has her best interest in mind. If they do, they will not intentionally hurt her father out of spite–out of pettiness for not getting to make her their human doll/ jester for their own amusement. We will not whore out our daughter. There once was a time where my father was the one i could semi-depend on. But I have realized that men can fall for women and forsake their spouse and daughter and not speak up.
A sad but true story.

Mad, angry, hurt.

I asked the husband last night: “hey u know i heard the Treasure girls do more than just dances like u told me before. Did u know they give out sex too?” he said yes (since my friend’s husband whom is in the same situation as he is fully disclosed to his wife of doing things and hiring prostitutes). I asked why he lied to me before and said those girls dont do that stuff there and he only goes to strip clubs for the dances or their lunch buffets…he tried to make me question what i remember and make me feel like a crazy a person. I vividly remember him denying thatbthe girls there do not perform such things thatbi found to be facts from my research. I was curious enough to bring him on a strip club hop for one of his birthdays to see how it is and hoe he likes it. He loved it. I even bought him a lapdance. The woman seems nice. She seemed like she could be someone’s wife and mom and was very considerate that i was there. It was just a dance (but i was there sobof course nothing else was gonna happen). I am pretty upset that he lies. He said he never had sex there and that it would have been too expensive…yet he can do hand jobs for $100/ blow jobs for $160!? 40 bucks more and u get it all… He must think l am stupid and crazy. Or I must be crazy stupid staying with him for so long and working so hard to support my self and baby…while who knows where his money and time has gone. Not only was I financially deprived, but think if this young wife –or whatever it is I am to him– I did not get the physical touch that I do crave for too. He gets what he needs by paying girls for it and not giving it to me at home.

What our therapist said was it is valid that hr claims from 29 ti 30 there was a significant drop in our intimacy/ being physical with each other..now he’s going on 40 and I’m almost 10 years younger…in my prime with a high drive. Damn, what am I supposed to do? Hell no will I be like him and go pay for services! Especially when there is a willing wife who ain’t too ugly to look at wanting it and willing at home. Hmm…what though for the wife whose husband does not want it and eiyher is not willing–or just cannot do it…what to do?

Yesterday’s disclosure. A bit closer to truthfulness.

Last night, before we slept, DH told / admitted to me that he not only went to Asian massage parlors for $100 handjobs but paid $160 for blow jobs…I have suspected this already but he had denied it for the past half year. I am not surprised of this fact or confession but I am surprised at how well I took it (I guess since it was already assumed that he did it and I wasn’t taken by shock). I was calm and even told him how appreciative I am of him being more honest with me. He told me in June when it was discovered that he was trying to reach out to people online to meet up for no string attached sex that from that point on he will be completely honest with me and not lie. It was hard to believe and I was deeply hurt, but I learned to slowly trust again. By July 4th when we were over seas on our vacation with our daughter…he lied again. I found a phone number on his contact list as “Jennifer” with no last name. He lied that he didn’t know who it was, that it could be an old customer, yada yada yada…finally after doing research and finding the number listed as “Jennifer’s Day Spa” off of Fondren and Richmond…and caters to men only. No reviews by females at the time I looked. I love getting massages and do get them as often as I could, my husband always said it was a waste of money that I spend 25/30 dollars on my weekly foot massages…or I get the student massages from the massage school…so why the hell does he have a massage/ day spa’s number on his fairly new phone’s contact list? Fishy. Shady. Lies if all sorts trying to deceive me. I was angry and madder when I learned how much he would spend on these massages when I would freely give them to him at home. If he only asks or responds to my desires. I have needs too…as a young wife, 8 years younger than him with a fairly high drive…he neglected me for years since he came back from Taiwan with his guy friends. He said nothing happened there. Just like he said nothing happened at Jennifer’s day spa. Only a regular massage. I found detailed reviews on rubmaps.com that they offer more than just regular servicing. I know in my gut there is more. Eventually he said he got hand jobs, weeks later he said he probably went 20-30 times. Spent thousands of dollars. But continue to insist that it was before he met me and didn’t need to go afterwards (why the f is it on a new phone that we got a year or so ago?!!!). I have needs that went unmet because the darn guy took his energy and love to some stranger and paid them…while I work my ass off to pay for my bill, our meals and even his credit cards. Am I so dumb? I told him that I should start charging him for services then hahaha. Hmm maybe I could pay off my high student loans and all of our other expensive. Being an adjunct teacher does not pay well, no job security or benefits of any kind. I private tutor and sell Usborne books….I am a hard worker and these damn massage girls not only takes away the husband but they fucking make more money than I do with no education. It makes me furious. $100 for hand job massages and $160 for blow job massages. What the hell…when you have me at home and I don’t think I am too ugly or something. I wish we could have the relationship I wanted both in the bedroom and financially. Wish he helped me pay his stuff and mine vs. funding some other girls and paying their bills. I need a 4th job. Maybe I’ll look for seasonal help somewhere. I get holiday blues when I have more time to think anyways.