Today I feel a little pain. A little hurt. I don’t exactly know what it is…but I am a little sad and a little scared. I kind of feel like crying.
Today I learned so much from a random stranger that I met after my husband and I played of mixed tennis match. We lost the match 4-6, 2-6 but play almost to the best of our abilities and had a fun couple-time/activity together so it was pretty great in itself.
Mr. Ray was the tennis coach hitting on the courts next to us. I was eager to go ask him his rates and if he would take a 2-year old for private lessons. He said no, and I have him my business card to end the topic–or so I thought.
He somehow started on a conversation of a magnet school. How one needs to be opened that is above the “title- inflated” magnet schools that exists now. He said a magnet school–if like the one he went to/ one he taught at–should have classes that are on the level comparable to those of the University level. Crazy!!! Kids that I see now a days in the regular-track HS classes that I teach are barely remembering how to do middle school math. They also come in with misinform science and other basic needs that are not met at home. It is sad, but true. There will only be a handful of kids that are Mensa-material and truly GT… I most likely will have a hard time tutoring these kids, since they are probably more academically abled than little old high school teacher/adjunct/ (mostly remedial/ catching up) one-on-one private tutor…
well, back to my original thought that I wanted to put down on “paper” is that I confessed to Mr. Ray that I never cared much about Calculus or History. That History was my worst subject and Calculus just intimidates me. He figured out a way to explain it. The more we talked about it, the more I felt alive and wanting to learn as much as I can! I want to go back to school! It just feels nice and motivational. I hope to provide the necessary support that my privately tutored students will …and more!
So why was I so upset? Lies after lies and promising to only tell me the truth from then forth…from June 2…then big lies on July 4th…then the cycle continues with these empty promises. So what is a girl to do? Not only was a turned away from so many things that a wife needs… But this lies after lies has driven me mad! Though I am still very sane and realize that maybe my mom, my step mother and my mother in law…maybe has got it down. Just smile and pretend that the husbands love them and that everything is perfect. I hate pretending but maybe that’s what I ought to do.
I gave the DH a chance to redeem himself and tell the truth (actually many chances tonight) but he chooses to playdumb…like he has no idea where the girl’s pic on his phone can from and how it became gone/hidden when I asked. I’ve seen this too many times before. Maybe I am dumb for being in this fruitless relationship.
Does anyone know who this girl that was on my husband’s photo gallery is? He claims to not “know her personally” maybe it’s only professionally…like the girls he knew at Jennifer’s Day Spa for the rub and tugs…plus whatever else he paid for!
Who is this girl that my husband took a pic of? (Above: middle eastern looking woman)
In my dream, reality was different. I wasn’t married and didn’t have a child. My desires and goals were for myself. I got to be selfish. I packed up all my work onto a laptop and stuck it in a safe it looks like of some kind. It wasn’t a bank. It had a concierge who was young and inexperienced helping me rush my belongings into the small locker so I could jet and head to the airport. Originally, my mother’s jewels and all were in the safe, but I managed to fit my work life on a laptop and stuck it in there instead–for safekeeping and for me to pick up to continue working again once I got back in town. I did not take mother’s treasures but left it in an unlocked locker/safe with the concierge. I found my blue combination lock in the pile of treasures and that was what I fished for and used to lock up my treasured work life as I stormed of with my companion.
The dreamy scene went to packing up my luggage in a double bedded hotel room. I had the pull out couches while my two other gal roommates had the bed. In the realistic dream, I woke up when the first morning rays shone through the windows at me. I was right next to the windows, duh! I had to take my morning pee.
The dream flickered to some place with my mom. She was a bit upset as usual and I wasn’t sure about what.
Then, I was in the car: shotgun while my companion drove. We reminisced about old times and caught up while driving to the airport to Paradise. We practiced Paradises’ native tongue so we would be able to speak over there. I enjoyed my time and was happy with the peaceful drive…*bang! Boom!* we dodged a flipping car coming at us! Saw a white SUV on the run after the accident and a person on the ground. I called to report the accident, but was unsure of the location. I told them from the best of my ability that it was at the intersection near a carwash and 3 carwash attendants witnessed the accident as well. Weirdly, they just continued their washing and paid no attention to the body left in the middle of the street…so I had to call it in. Sorry, I said that we couldn’t stay to help. We were rushing to the airport to our flight to paradise.
Then, I woke up:(
Weird dream but nice in a way…I didn’t want to wake up today since in my dream I was somewhere on vacation. Haha something that’s harder to make true or a reality with the circumstance that I am in. Not gonna complain more bout the hubby but will just let the nice dream embrace me for now. So…I think it was a cruise and I was with someone who wanted me and desired me. It’s not anyone I know, but just a person- one that wanted me to go buy some chocolate chip cookies…weird. So I went and found a cookie stand somewhere and found that they didn’t have many cookies but tons of other baked goods (muffins, mini cupcakes, etc…) I finally went to the back counter and found the Giant cookies that were not under the glass like everything else that’s being sold. Weird, but whatever. I took out a big chocolate chip cookie and an oatmeal raisin one for me…though at the time I was hoping it’d be run raisin. Such an odd dream. Do I want sweets? I did have so much of it before I fell asleep last night! Did I want other things? Just an odd dream. What was crazier was a person came up and tried to bring my purse back to his girlfriend. I was shocked to see 2 purses in front of me that were exactly the same: my old pewter colored leather bag. When opening it, they both had the same red wallet like mine (in the dream only…I am not using a red wallet in reality now, it’s black or blue). I had to look at the drivers license to distinguish which was my bag and which to let the guy take back to his girlfriend.
I went back in line to pay for the cookies using the wallet that I was told to buy cookies from. The person came back and I cringed with the PDAS (this is very uncharacteristic of me). Just a plain weird. But hey, I was on vacation. I wouldn’t mind an odd vacation haha.