Pissed as hell

I almost walked out!  If it wasn’t for me thinking that Lilly needs to sleep with mom next to her side I would have been out seeking refuge at my sanctuary.

Damn you for coming over and spoiling my night and irritating me.  Do you not get that we are in a damn divorce?  I don’t want to talk to you! Get it through to your brain that you cannot undo what I feel.  You cannot counter me and think that it will make the divorce go away!  It makes me more sure of my decision than ever before.  I makes me want this even more because you are not the person for me.  You say you want me to be happy,  yet you everything you intentionally do is against me.  What the hell?  You said you hired a divorce lawyer and charged it because you have no funds to pay for it?  Isn’t that the stupidest thing to do?  How do you think that will prevent a divorce?  It ain’t as hell gonna.  If someone wants to leave…let them!!! There is no point holding a person that does not want to be there back.  Why?  I see no real reason.  Are you out of your mind?  I said: easy, cheap divorce where we could stay friends.  And that will make me ecstatic and happy if you sign the darn papers!  You: go and hire some bad ass lawyer who specializes…with borrowed funds.  Stupid.  And to fight for something that is Unwinnable.  We will both lose,  but do you want a bigger loss or cut your losses and make it small…and can still preserve a friendship of some sort?! Well too late.  You make me furious and I do not want to see you.  I avoid you when I can.  Do not try to come over and wait when I am not here!  See Lilly, then Leave!  What are you trying to do? Infuriate me and make me mad so I will throw a temper tantrum for you to use against me in court? Well I’ve held it in.  Now it’s out.  Writing helps dissipate my anger and frustration.  Wth do you mean you will not do anything malicious against me?  Are you plotting something?  What have you got?  There is nothing.  And if there is something…I will take it head on.  I don’t want to air dirty laundry…your dirt.  But it is up to you if you would like your daughter to know later on what dad did that angered mom and made mommy lose all love and respect for you.  I thought we could be friends, now that may not be even possible.  Your biggest lost.  You don’t listen.  I told you.  Take this divorce as time to better yourself and do not fight back.  You will not gain anything.  You lost my trust in every single way.  Out!

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