Sunday Blues

Maybe it’s a horrible vendor event, maybe my period is starting, or maybe I am still not over the ex-husband.

Today is just a tiring, exhausting and sad day.  A short moment of fun/happy and the longer periods of worry…

So I have no problem moving on with my side…but I guess the idea of the ex-husband dating would still bug me. Why? I don’t know! I don’t / shouldn’t really care either…I do still feel anger/resentment / a sadness of some sort thinking of a failed marriage.

Lately, everywhere I go I see families that are intact. I do miss doing family things…I don’t miss the man, but I miss being able to do activities together, to spend time with Lilly as a family together, and the fact that we had a lot of similar hobbies though not all…

It makes me mad how he could ruin a good thing.  Being married to a person that I cared about and thought that I could be happy with was a grand thing.  But all the lies, and hidden skeletons that he continued to be dishonest with even after that closet door was open…was not something I could continue to be in.

In a sense I am happier because there are things  that I stopped doing while being married that I had gotten to pick up again.  But, in a sense I am lacking that feeling of having a complete family and security of knowing that someone will always have my back (with the exception of when it comes to his addiction).  I guess everyone has some kind of fault of a sort and I have yet to find a perfect person.  I am by no means perfect and haven’t seen anyone to be a perfect match for me either.  Everyone has some great aspect and some that just doesn’t sit well with me.  Life is a confusing blur again…maybe it’s because that time of the month is about here.

I cannot sleep…love Lilly so much and happy to have her near me. Yet I feel so stressed out about things and not knowing…

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