Relational trauma

So, I guess I was wanting more of an apology and things that I probably will not get.  Especially from a person who was not sincere to me for 10 years or so. Sad. I guess that’s it. Not exactly true friendship that we could have after either. We will still be connected even if we didn’t want to.  I guess the positive thing is that lil baby girl won’t have to see parents hating each other if parents cannot love each other.  It just bugs me how he’s having so much fun and happy after the divorce.  I guess he wasn’t invested at all in what once was.  Even though I was the one who broke it off, I guess I was still sad it didn’t work out. The failure of a marriage has with it a sense of depression of some sort? I’m still working on finding my happiness.  I’m tired all the time from work, after work second job, then taking care of my girl when I’m not working…it seems like there’s no rest.  It was nice having a partner back then at times to help with things and feeling like someone was there for me (even though I guess it was not a sincere/ truthful relationship).  I’ll manage and figure things out.

He said he was still going to therapy and groups…but I highly doubt it.  Probably a lie since that would interfere with his party/fun schedule. MTW tennis, Th with baby and poker weekends…hmm. I guess he’s got it good during the marriage where he gets multiple partners to play with while wife is suffering at home…and now after the divorce, he’s getting to live his bachelor lifestyle even more since I’m taking care of baby most the time. I feel like I never will get to have fun or have a person that I need. I need to get over that and just learn to be fine by myself for now and deal with things…responsiblies, finances, fun?  Being an adult is what every kid wanted, but once there…why did I want to grow up so fast?!

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